Breaking a Family Curse, Another Mother-Daughter Imprint Explored

May 8, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Generational imprints or family curses can mean that we repeat the same behaviors that lead to unhappy relationships between generations, or that we set up the same physical illness generation to generation.  How to we break these curses?  The good news is that shamanic energywork can be highly effective in helping to break a family curse.  The other good news is that generational imprints can be positive and life affirming—such as the ability to make money,  to maintain good health, or an appetite to learn new things—these can also be passed down the generational line.

In a previous blog post I spoke of a mother-daughter imprint that my client projected outward onto her other relationships with women.  Such relationships were painful, but my client was doing great work on getting a handle on the projection.  She was particularly concerned about this family curse because she wanted to have a daughter.  She didn’t want to pass on the curse to her daughter in which her daughter would experience her as selfish and withholding.  My client was conscious of the possibility and afraid of unintentionally passing on this imprint; she understood the strength of generational imprints having worked on hers.  She knew ahead of time that she was likely to repeat a similar outcome with her own daughter.

This client has a much better chance than most of not passing on a family curse because she makes the assumption right away that she could (unintentionally) manifest such a horrible outcome.  It takes a very brave and conscious person to realize that she is capable of acting in the same hurtful way that her mother had done to her.  These curses tend to easily pass generation to generation because the Victimized party stays in the Victim position and cannot consider that they could ever be in the Bully position with the next generation.

My client automatically assumed that she would play out her role as mother in the curse if she did not stay conscious.  In that way she took a step back from being locked unconsciously in the pattern so she could begin healing it. 

However, most of my clients are not this self-aware.  I had another client ensnared in a mother-daughter family curse.  In this case my client was focused on how hurtful her mother was, and on how she wanted their relationship to be different.  My client was firmly in the Victim position, but not only that, she wasn’t willing to give up this position until her mother changed into the mother she wanted.  My client wanted vindication from her mother that her mother had treated her poorly.  In effect, my client was not only staying Victim, she was refusing to grow up; she was giving away her power to her mother instead of using that power and focus to heal herself.

The complication here was that this client had a little girl.  Because the family curse had not been healed within my client, it was a given that my client was already setting up her relationship with her daughter so her daughter would bear the curse.  My client certainly did not intend to do this, but because her energy was focused on herself and her own pain, she could not step back enough to see how she was creating the same relationship with her own child.

What was interesting here was that people close to her could already see the curse unfolding, but my client was blind to it, just as her mother was blind to it.  This client had a hard time doing what my previous client had done—she could not assume that she was very likely and fully capable of hurtful, neglectful, and selfish behavior toward her daughter.  Part of this was the strength of the generational imprint, but some of this was denying the hard reality of being an effective parent.  Effective parenting means sometimes setting aside our own needs to meet the needs of our child.  The child can’t meet her own needs—that is the parents’ job.  One cannot be an effective parent if we stay in the Victim position or the Child role.  The Victim and the Child have no power—that power is outside in the hands of others.  With her energy focused on how wronged she had been by her own mother, and how angry and hurt she was, she did not see that she was distracted from and resentful of her child’s own needs.

Many times what is most striking about a family curse is how it unfolds without the people inside the curse being aware of how their thoughts and actions are making it unfold.  The people involved may desperately set the intention to not repeat the curse, but they do anyway.  These curses have that type of momentum to them.  Even though the energywork will help, once again, in this case it will take effort and practice for this client to make sure she cleans up her part of the curse so that it won’t impact her daughter.

The most effective way for my client to do this is to understand how the curse for her family works.  In other words, what does the mother do in this curse?  What does the daughter do in this curse?  In this case the mother is so distracted and focused on herself that she ignores her daughter pleas for attention and connection and actively resents her daughter’s having needs.  The daughter focuses on her pain at being brushed aside and on how if she could only get her needs met and get the attention of mother then all would be well.  The key for my client is to take herself out of daughter position, which she understand very very well, and put herself into the mother position, which is the bad guy or the Bully position.  The Bully position is always the hardest one for us to see in ourselves.  Of course my client does not want to see herself in the mother position of this curse because the mother is the one who inflicts the damage.

Then the next step is to assume that she will unconsciously do everything and anything to act out the role of mother as defined by the curse.  She will ignore her daughter’s attempts at connection, and she will actively resent her daughter and her needs.  The key is for my client to realize that this is a given—this is how the curse plays out—it has nothing to do with her personally as a good or bad person. In this case the curse contains ironic elements—it is only because my client is focused on her mother that she ignores her daughter and sets up the same relationship, creating a vicious cycle from generation to generation.  Each generation feels screwed by the one before it but screws the one after it all the while thinking of themselves as loving mothers with ungrateful daughters.  My client isn’t generating this unhappy outcome because she’s a bad person or a bad parent—she’s generating it because she is not taking responsibility for acting out the mother role as defined by the curse.

The other side of breaking the curse is giving up the daughter role as well.  She has to let her mother off the hook by growing up and not needing approval, connection, or permission from mother.  Perhaps most importantly, she must give up on getting any validation or acknowledgement from her mother that her mother treated her poorly.  Of course this is excruciatingly difficult, partly because of the nature of the curse, but for this client a lot of it is the inability to accept the way things are for her mother.  This client will never get that relationship with her mother, ever.  The longer she believes she might, the longer she wastes energy, and the more likely she will not be able to curb her tendency to play out the mother position of this curse.  Many of you will object that of course the possibility exists that her mother will grow up and change like my client is working hard to.  Yes, that is a possibility, but hanging on to that possibility from the Child Role and the Victim Stance is never helpful and in fact squashes the probability of that outcome.  Allowing that possibility without attachment to outcome from an Adult stance off the Drama Triangle makes the possibility more likely for all involved.  The key is to give up attachment to having the ideal, imaginary, fantasy relationship with her mother.  That relationship simply does not exist.

In giving up the daughter position she has to give up asking for attention and connection with her mother.  She has to give up nursing her pain and being angry.  She has to give up on being validated.  In other words, she has to deal with her personal wounds without a hope of any change with her mother.  She has to be willing to heal herself, to take full responsibility for her child self, grow that child self up with nurturing that comes directly from her inner self.  (All of this type of healing work can be furthered along with soul retrieval and underworld work in which nurturing resources are retrieved and installed in our psyche).  She has to meet her own emotional needs and give up expecting mother to finally come through.  Then she’ll be in a better position to nurture her own daughter.

If my client can heal herself and meet her needs by growing herself up from within, she will likely break this curse.  This particular curse depends on her staying a Child, staying Victim.  It also depends on her being the distracted, resentful mother.  Any time my client feels resentful toward her daughter she has to assume the curse is in play.  Any time she feels angry with her mother, she has to assume she’s fallen back into the Victim role.  As you can imagine, this is hard work, staying this conscious, calling herself on her hard thoughts and emotions.  But if my client plays neither resentful mother nor angry daughter, she’s stopped the momentum enough that she can choose to respond differently to her daughter.  My client has a chance to stop a horrible outcome that has been tormenting her family for generations.  She should think of it as her sacred mission of this lifetime.

What makes these curses so difficult is how hard it is for the person within the curse to see the pattern, and how she plays BOTH roles in the pattern once it passes to the next generation.  If you know you have a family curse, please take it to a shaman.  The shaman can unravel the original bind on that energetic level, but your shaman will also help you map out the curse on the mythic level to help you be aware of how it plays out in your life.  Then it is up to you to do the hard work on the symbolic and literal levels of not letting it pass down to your children.  Take it as a sacred mission—if you break the family curse, then you have saved generations of your family from suffering.

coming up soon, a look at typical Empath daughter-father wounds

Filed Under: Boundaries, Client Success Stories, Drama Triangle, Emotions, Energetic Contracts, Energy Healing, Forgiveness, Generational Imprints, Manifestation, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Removing Obstacles, Soul Retrieval

Fan-Hero Family System Ebook Now Available

April 30, 2012 By 2 Comments

Hello Everyone!

I’ve just posted a new ebook on my website in the shop called The Empath and the Hero-Fan Family System.  I first published these essays in 2009.  These essays have been revised and expanded.  If you are an Empath and you’ve found yourself caught in confusing relationship patterns where everything seems normal, healthy and happy on the outside but on the inside you feel crazy, sick, tired, and confused, you may be dealing with unhealthy Heroes or unhealthy Fans.  These essays cover what this type of family system looks like, how Emotionally Dissociated Hero behavior is reinforced by Fans. 

Also included is a description of Secret Drama, a painful relationship dynamic between an Empath and a Hero  in which the Empath keeps secrets for the Hero but then the Hero makes the Empath into a scapegoat for the entire Family so the Family can keep its illusion of health and happiness.  Many people find my website because they have this painful relationship with a Hero.  I map out why this relationship unfolds the way it does and how the Empath can extract herself and then heal using shamanic work.

I hope you find this new ebook helpful!

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Drama Triangle, Emotional Dissociation, Emotions, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Energy Healing, Forgiveness, Generational Imprints, Life Transition, Manifestation, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Removing Obstacles, Soul Retrieval

Overcoming Our Ingrained Patterns

April 24, 2012 By 1 Comment

These past few weeks I’ve had several women email me about problems they have been having with other women.  These cases were interesting because they each involved a generational imprint that was passed from mother to daughter.  While the imprint causes problems and misunderstandings in the mother-daughter relationship, it also leads to those problems being projected onto other relationships with women. 

When I work with my clients long term, I have my clients get to know their imprints or patterns intimately.  The reason for this is so that they can gain enough consciousness to change at least one little action in the pattern the next time it arises.  Each change little by little leads to a dismantling of the pattern.  Catching ourselves before we can take the actions that lead to the unhappy outcome becomes a practice.  It’s a difficult, confusing practice because our intuition and our instincts are inaccurate when it comes to navigating the pattern—otherwise we would have mastered it long ago and we wouldn’t need to consult a shaman.  Deliberately questioning our instincts when we’ve worked especially hard to accept our intuitive side can be highly confusing.

This is why each of us must get to know our patterns and how we tend to project those onto our relationships.  The place to start when we notice a pattern (an outcome that has repeated three times) is to ask ourselves when we first experienced the pattern or felt the feelings in the pattern.  Usually it stems from early wounds in childhood—many times because of a misunderstanding or a trauma inflicted by one of our parents, intentionally or not.  Many times these traumas are handed down generation after generation, so that energetically, emotionally, and mentally they carry the extra force of our lineage.

In one case this week, one woman had worked hard on a mother issue that manifested as her giving her power away to other women she thought of as peers.  Somehow the relationship would turn from one of peers to one with her in the one-down position as either lowly apprentice or mentee.  The outcome of this pattern was that she rejected the woman who put her in the one down position while feeling betrayed and embarrassed.  To prevent this pattern from manifesting the same outcome of suffering and a broken relationship, we had to look at where it came from.

This client had a withholding, selfish mother.  As a consequence my client consciously and unconsciously sought approval but was usually shot down by her mother.  Without knowing it my client put these other woman peers in the mother-position.  Usually what would happen is that she would ask for advice in an area especially dear to her heart, expecting to be treated as a peer.  But the advice hardly even felt like it came from a peer.  Somehow the other woman wound up in a more powerful position than my client and abused that power.  Part of this is vibrational, (after all, she unconsciously came to these relationships as a supplicant for her mother’s approval), but we also looked at how my client asked for and received the advice.

She had to assume that she was going to set the situation up unconsciously to unfold so that the other woman would belittle her.  While an important and essential part of healing this pattern was to work directly with her own relationship with her mother with soul retrieval and underworld work, my client had to carefully look at how she operated within peer relationships with other women at the literal level as well.  With these deeply ingrained patterns, ones that we’ve been living out for several decades, we have a sort of body-memory that we must overcome.  We must also look at what we do, think, and feel as the pattern unfolds.

My client had to assume that when she felt betrayed, annoyed and confused the pattern was in play and that she wasn’t seeing the other woman clearly.  Walking away from the relationship was the last step in the pattern.  Did she really want that outcome this time or could it be avoided?  Much of the time the pattern came about because she was asking for advice as a peer, but the advice came back with her in the one down position.  She had to look at how she was asking for advice.  What language did she use?  Was her subtext one of supplicant asking for a favor?  Was she inviting a shift from peer to mentee?  Changing her language so that she remained in a strong peer position also helped.

One aspect of the mother-daughter relationship that my client didn’t see without outside help from her shaman was that her mother had her own insecurities that she projected onto her daughter.  Because these patterns have a strong energetic component, my client’s pattern meant that unconsciously my client would pick a peer that was likely to project her insecurities onto my client and then put my client down, just like her mother did.  To be on the receiving end of this would be no fun for anyone, so it wasn’t a big surprise that my client ultimately walked away from these relationships.  However, before she walked away she spent considerable time wondering if she were imagining the abuse of power when everything had begun so nicely.

However, walking away without consciousness around the pattern only set up the next iteration to manifest in the same way.  Unconsciously my client was looking for perfect advice from a perfect mother-substitute, but was doomed to disappointment because no one can give perfect advice and no one can be a perfect mother.  The rejection of her mother took place through other women but wasn’t a resolution because the original wounds and unconscious beliefs weren’t healed.  Doing the soul retrieval and underworld work helped to heal those wounds and beliefs, but now she had to work on taking different actions when the pattern unwound itself again.

The same feelings and thoughts arose when the pattern came up again, but the difference that next time was that my client could say to herself, “This is the pattern.  I’m in a peer relationship with a woman that I really like.  At some point I’m going to set this up so that she’ll project her insecurities on to me, and then I’ll have reason to reject her.  I’m going to be aware for each of these stages.”  As my client practices she catches herself at the last stage and can avoid rejecting the friend but sets better boundaries about asking for advice. 

In the following iteration she catches herself feeling those feelings of betrayal but notices in time that in a peer relationship she can take advice or leave advice, but she shouldn’t shoot the messenger and so manages to not act on those hurt feelings.  In a later iteration she might catch herself asking for advice but then notice that she herself has set herself up as a mentee instead of a peer.  In a later iteration she might notice that she’s picking insecure women to be peers with even though they might be highly qualified in their fields.  She might then choose not to get too close to them or she might not be completely taken by surprise when those women project those fears and insecurities outward.  Each iteration of the pattern is an opportunity to master the pattern until finally it is broken and my client has taken her power back.  She’s also managed to grow up a part of herself that still needed approval from her mother.

Sometimes we have experiences with soul retrieval and underworld work that are so spectacular that the energywork session clears everything up on the emotional, mental, and literal levels.  I love those.  But, with an unhappy pattern that’s become well ingrained by taking action again and again in the literal world, it usually takes several practice attempts at the pattern to fully unwind it.  Staying conscious, giving ourselves a break for having to practice at it, and making those small changes again and again means that we heal our lives and give ourselves freedom.

Next blog post, an example of a mother-daughter imprint shifting to the next generation and how to prevent that outcome. 

Filed Under: Boundaries, Client Success Stories, Emotions, Energy Healing, Generational Imprints, Manifestation, Relationships, Removing Obstacles, Soul Retrieval

The Dangers of the Pedestal

March 14, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Hi Everyone!

This week I’ve had two people ask me questions about relationship issues that all stemmed from a pattern of behavior that I like to call Putting Others on a Pedestal.  In one case one person was put on the pedestal and viciously knocked off, in the other case, a person who had an old pattern of putting women on a pedestal needed a little clarity around what was her part in the relationship blip, and what was her friend’s part.  These questions, and another around how to end a relationship that’s mired in Drama with as little drama as possible led me today to post an ebook for sale on in my shop called The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal. 

In this ebook I talk about how important doing our Shadow Work is so that we don’t project our old wounds onto the people around us.  I also talk about the most common wound, the Mother Wound, and how that wound, when severe, can lead to this painful Pedestal Pattern in which we fall in love with a guru, partner, or best friend, then become terribly disillusioned and attack the person for failing us.  Once we heal our wounds and step into full maturity and power ironically we become easy targets for others to put US on pedestals.  I cover an example of how a non Empath can do this, and how confusing and crazy-making this behavior is for the unwitting Empath.  I hope this ebook will be helpful to you!  Here’s a brief introduction:

As Empaths we can easily fall into the role of Rescuer because we tend to be good listeners, we tend to be supportive and accepting, and in general we hold a safe emotional space for others because we are so in touch with our emotional bodies.  We tend to be healers and confidantes for our friends and family without realizing that is the role we are cast in.   However, a warning sign that a relationship is headed for Drama is when one of us in the relationship is putting the other on a pedestal.

When this happens to me with a client, I am sure to point out to them their own power and magnificence.  I also ask if they realize that they are putting me on a pedestal.  With the clients who can see that, we have a basis of continuing to work together because they are conscious of their positive shadow projected onto me.  If they aren’t able to see how they are projecting, I will usually refer these clients to colleagues with a strong background in counseling rather than coaching.   

The reason for this is that the projection of positive shadow (the person on the pedestal is soooo wonderful) can turn very quickly into a projection of negative shadow when the person is revealed to have limits.  Usually the fall from the pedestal is pretty spectacular.   If we have been buying into that positive projection the switch to the negative projection can be very painful and confusing. 

The clue for choosing a new client relationship became, how much was this client expecting from me?  How good were this client’s boundaries?  How much did this client like me and express that feeling given our professional relationship?  Had this client done any work already to choose self-responsibilty over Victimhood at all times?  These are good questions for all Empaths working on their own boundaries to ask themselves before they enter into a relationship. 

 If a potential friend or client expresses lots of flattery, gives gifts, or tells me they want to be friends after our work together in the first session or two, this is a strong indication that this person has a severe Mother Wound and will need lots of counseling in addition to Soul Retrieval and Underworld Work.

Most of us do put others on a pedestal.  Really, it is the degree to which we do it that determines if it is normal or unhealthy.  Most clients I work with do love and appreciate the work that I do.  That is fine.  And it is fine to enjoy the positive projection, but I have learned to not take it personally.  Because, sure enough, the negative projection will soon follow, and that can’t be taken personally, either.

However, for unhealthy people who have not taken full responsibility for themselves, moving into Bully position after they have knocked the person off the pedestal feels fully justified.  For the person that has just fallen off the pedestal, she is in for a stream of psychic attack at the least and violence at the worst.  It can be very scary and confusing to be in that position.  The only healthy way out of it is to ride out the storm at that point, take care of the self, but not engage any of the archetypal positions on the triangle.

In my new ebook, The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal I cover the basic pattern of Empaths putting others on a Pedestal.  I also describe what it is like for another Enneagram Archetype, the Black and White Thinker to put an Empath on a pedestal, and how dangerous that can be for the Empath.  I hope you will find this ebook helpful and useful in deciphering your own relationships.

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Drama Triangle, Emotions, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Energy Healing, Manifestation, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Soul Retrieval

What is an Opportunistic Entity?

March 5, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Over the past week I have had four different people ask me questions about Opportunistic Entities.  I thought an explanation would make a good blog post, since so many times Empaths have to deal with extracting an Opportunistic Entity and the question seems to be up for so many Empaths I know right now.

If you’ve read my stories on my website about Extractions, you probably already know that sometimes when a loved one dies, that person’s consciousness can become confused and then attach to a person still living instead of moving on to the Upper World(The Bardo, Heaven, etc.)  That person can then take on the traits of the loved one, sometimes even becoming ill with the same symptoms if the person who died was sick.  As a shaman I can “extract” the loved one and cross the person over to the other side, escorting him or her through the Bardo and all the way up to the Fourth Realm of individuated souls (Heaven).

In other cases we can take on a thought form of a loved one that gains so much energy it acts like an entity.  An example of this would be a critical parent constantly chattering at us in the background.  Such thought forms can be extracted in the same way as a person that has lost his way after death but aren’t really entities.  Other thought forms, like the supportive, cheering parent, we definitely do not want to extract!

However, there are other Entities that are not so benign.  These Opportunistic Entities are looking to take advantage of people in bodies to get an energetic feeding.  They usually don’t want to go through the hassle of making a body of their own, so they attach to someone in a body instead and cause trouble.  The easiest target for these Opportunistic Entities is an emotionally distressed Empath child.

The Empathic or highly sensitive child in an extended moment of fear or stress psychically cries out for comfort or help.  If no caregiver answers or responds in a way that makes the child feel safe and cared for, the Entity has an opportunity to answer instead.  The child and the Entity make a deal or an agreement—a sense of safety and a feeling of at least not being completely abandoned in exchange for feeding the Entity.  Usually a soul loss takes place for the child as well, making the child more vulnerable.  In any case the child and the Entity exist in a sort of symbiotic relationship.

How do you know if your child has unintentionally made this deal with an Entity?  Sometimes children develop unusual behaviors or become unreasonably clinging or afraid.  Some children develop behaviors that look like OCD or they become extremely anxious.  Some become people pleasers.  Some become violent and mean for no apparent cause.  In fact, it can be hard to tell just from behavior if your child has an entity.  But if they suddenly begin acting out of character and they have also been put in a situation where they were anxious, afraid, or believed themselves to be in danger or abandoned, it is reasonable to have a shaman check them for an Entity and most definitely for Soul Loss.

While I’ve worked with several children with Entities attached to them or near by them, more commonly I pull Opportunistic Entities out of adult Empaths.  All these Empaths made the agreement with the Entity when they were children and when they were extremely afraid or under extreme stress.  In one case, a client was extremely afraid of the dark when sleeping in a strange house and accidentally called one in.  In another case an Entity deliberately frightened the child and then the child called out for help and the Entity “rescued” him.  This child lost his zest for life and became painfully self-conscious.  In yet another case a client who had grown up in a chaotic household filled with arguments and physical violence had more than one Entity attached as an adult.   Years later, when this client was in a funk, these Entities tried to taunt him into committing suicide.

As you can see, Opportunistic Entities are troublemakers.  They feed off fear, anxiety, and anger.  The more they stir up these emotions in the Empath the bigger feeding they get.  They co-opt the Empath’s power for their own, and they sabotage the Empath when she tries to step back into power.  They love causing trouble not just to the Empath but also to the people around the Empath.  Many times the Empath doesn’t suspect she has an attachment to an Opportunistic Entity until she starts doing healing work or deep personal work.  As she changes, the presence of the Entity becomes more obvious and less hidden. So, what does the adult Empath do next?

The most essential step for the Empath is to break the deal with the Entity.  The Empath must look at what benefit she gets from the Entity now that she is an adult.  Instead of safety and comfort that she might have missed from her parents as a child, as an adult the contract may have shifted into something different.  Many Empaths live from a Victim Stance.  The Victim Stance has the benefit of never having to take responsibility for ourselves.  The Victim wants others to take care of her.  The Victim wants life to be easy without putting in the work on the physical plane.  In a way, living from a Victim Stance has considerable benefits.  However, having a Victim Stance means that the Empath cannot get out of the contract with the Entity.

If we give up our Victim Stance, which means taking responsibility for our life as it is right now, reframing how we look at our life with the phrase, “I created this mess, what am I going to do to clean it up,” no matter that we inadvertently created it as children, and we take small actions to clean up our lives, we step into power and into choice.  Opportunistic Entities don’t like that.  They like us in our Victim Stance because we are helpless, hopeless, powerless,blaming others and circumstances for our lives.  All that beautiful creative power is up for grabs, and they will grab it.

Opportunistic Entities sabotage the healing work.  I’ve had Empaths realize that they have an Opportunistic Entity, schedule a session to do the work to remove it, and fall asleep before the call.  I’ve had Empaths completely forget conversations and directions that would lead to ejecting the Entity.  I had a client who had worked with me for years forget how to build altars and make sandpaintings.  I’ve had Empaths attack me personally for suggesting that their attachment to a Victim Stance was leaving the door open to the Opportunistic Entity while sounding nothing like their true selves.  The Entity doesn’t want to give up the attachment, and sometimes the Empath doesn’t want to give it up, either.  That is a valid choice.

If you suspect you have a deal with an Opportunistic Entity, and you want to be released from the contract, you will have to not just have the extraction done, but you will have to change your life dramatically.  First, the original contract with its benefit to you personally has to be looked at.  Then you’ll have to ask yourself whether you want to give up the mindset that keeps the contract in place.  Because if you don’t change your life, the Entity or one just like it will return to take its place.  The shaman can extract again and again, but it is the Empath and the Entity who make the deal between them.  The shaman doesn’t break the deal, the Empath does.

However, if you are willing to change your life, step out of the Victim Stance, and be vigilant about falling back into any Victim Role behavior or mindset, extracting an Entity is straightforward.  The Entity might retaliate briefly in an attempt to scare you into powerlessness, such as one Entity who shook a client’s bedside table after an extraction in an attempt to scare her back into vulnerability, but the Entity can’t reattach without some sort of agreement in place.  So in that way, we need not fear more attachments if we do our work and step back into personal power and personal responsibility. 

If you suspect you have one of these attachments and are willing to do the work, now is the time.  Given how fast human consciousness is shifting right now, it’s a great time to change your life and release yourself from these old ways of being.  Once you have finished your work, if you have children of your own, it’s probably a good idea to have them checked for Opportunistic Entities as well.  Parents who have an Entity attached unconsciously set up an environment that makes it likely that the young children in the home will also be vulnerable.  Empath parents, when they don’t have Opportunistic Entities attached, tend have good energetic radar and provide good psychic protection.  If you have an Entity, assume your radar is not working properly until you have completely your own personal work.

Let me know if you have further questions!

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Client Success Stories, Drama Triangle, Emotions, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Energy Healing, Generational Imprints, Life Transition, Manifestation, Relationships, Removing Obstacles, Soul Retrieval, Uncategorized

Psychic Flus and Sandpaintings

October 1, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Hi Everyone,

I had the opportunity this week to help a friend with the psychic flu.  She came down with cold symptoms at the same time my son did, however, her symptoms continued to spiral into a very bad flu.  She ended up missing several days of work and was fearful that she wouldn’t be able to pay her rent that month because of it.

I suspected that she was suffering from a psychic flu, not just a physical flu.  She had been under tremendous stress with a family member being diagnosed with terminal cancer, which triggered other crazy-making family dynamics.  I suspected that her body was using a relatively innocuous virus as a way of processing some of the stuck emotional energy out of her system.  I suggested we test my theory by having her create a sandpainting out on her balcony and “blowing” all of the yucky stuff into the painting.

Immediately, within a few seconds, her headache went away.  A few hours later her congestion was gone.  The next day her chest cold cleared up.  This was after four days of her symptoms becoming steadily worse.  By the time I saw her on the 6th day she looked and felt completely restored.

So, as we move into another school year and more exposure to cold bugs, don’t forget to use your mythic and energetic plane tools such as sandpaintings, fire ceremony, and salt baths.  Keep up a daily practice to keep your field clear, and use that sandpainting if a big issue comes up so you can process it at the Mythic plane with help from the Mother Earth instead of having to suffer through it physically with a bad flu.

Filed Under: Boundaries, Emotions, Empathy, Energy Healing, Relationships

Creativity and Expansion

July 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment

I was talking to my mentor, Greta Holmes, yesterday about the discomfort I’ve been feeling around changing my practice.  As I’ve looked back on my life, I see that I go through these cycles of expansion as I move into my creativity.  I had been feeling in somewhat of a double bind, because the emotional signals to expand are so uncomfortable: first boredom as what I am currently doing no longer feels like enough, then anxiety at the thought of what it would take to dive into something new or dive into that creative side once again.  Sure enough, one of my coping mechanisms for dealing with these uncomfortable emotions is to eat lots of chocolate.

The trick for me is to realize that this is part of being a creative being.  Expansion will come, and I have to use those emotional signals (and as Empaths we are SO in touch with our emotions) to let me know that what is before me is a decision–sit still or move forward.  The most painful part of this cycle is to not decide.  Once I decide, then the emotions subside, and all that energy that was going into them can go into my creativity.

I find this very exciting as I move away from one-on-one work into more writing, but scary as well.  Here’s to hoping that you will break yourself free from the status quo when boredom and then anxiety hits you.  Remember, it’s all good, it’s a sign that you are evolving!

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Creativity, Emotions, Life Transition, Manifestation, Removing Obstacles, Weight

Family System Reinforcement Essays

September 4, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Hello Everyone!

 I hope you enjoy the labor day weekend.  Here in Portland we’re planning on enjoying a bbq on Sunday despite the rain in the forecast.  I just love autumn!

 This week I’ve published several new essays on my website around Family System Reinforcement.  These essays follow one Empath through a Family System and show her path in healing from the typical Empath wounds of rejection and abandonment so she can form her own happy marriage and family.  If you are an Empath, these essays are for you.  If you are an emotionally dissociated Hero these essays may also be helpful in seeing how the Archetypes of Empath and Hero interact.

www.elainelajoie.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htm

The new essays are toward the bottom of the page under the heading, Family System Reinforcement.

Enjoy, and have a wonderful holiday weekend!

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Client Success Stories, Drama Triangle, Emotional Dissociation, Emotions, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Forgiveness, Generational Imprints, Life Transition, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Soul Path/Purpose, Soul Retrieval

Dealing with Attack Energy

March 18, 2009 By 4 Comments

 Hello everyone!

I had a question arrive in my email box about dealing with the unspoken messages from someone else.  In this case, my client is receiving “attack” vibes.  What do we do when those are unspoken vibes and not acted upon by the other person?  This is an important question for Empaths because we tend to respond to the unspoken and the hidden rather than what is actually going on literally.  Here is her question:

“I get a weird vibe from one of the girls at our annual gathering.  It’s like she wants to attack me or I annoy her or it’s like she jealous and I get this feeling of her wanting to put me in my place. Anytime I’m being funny or entertaining I can feel her energy.  At times like these it would be nice to be normal and just not notice it and go on with my life like the others around me!   I was super aware of her energy and not sure how to handle it.  My usual method would be to shrink back and shut down or to try to please her which feels awful and weak.  So as I was trying to figure out how to handle this these options came to mind.  Do I…

a. understand that she is just injured somewhere in this area and is acting out of pain and needs healing and understanding.  Try to send her love, make her feel more comfortable and try to help her. (feel like I’ve been burned by this approach in the past) b. Put up the strongest boundaries I can muster and try my best to go on with my life ignoring her. (this doesn’t really work for me) c. Think “oh this is interesting Sally is having these feelings hmm. I wonder what is going on with her?” and then let the energy go through me so to speak understanding that this is her stuff I DON’T have to own it and it doesn’t have to have power over me.  Just let it be and bring the focus back on myself my body, what I’m seeing around me, what I’m feeling sensing etc.  (This seemed to work pretty good!)

I do know the more I was afraid of her reaction the worse things seemed to get. The fear fueled it so to speak.  Honestly acknowledging to myself, however, what I was sensing from her and then not taking responsibility for it and not giving these feelings power over me seemed to work well.”

OK, to answer this question, it’s helpful to look at it from the Drama Triangle perspective.  Option a. operates from the Role of Rescuer.  This person’s anger and annoyance isn’t really any of our business to fix.  As Empaths we tend to try to fix things to make ourselves feel better.  It can backfire, especially since the other person could easily fall into the Bully role if we step into the Rescuer role.  Sure, she may be wounded or whatever, but it is not our business.

Option b. is somewhat doable and in other ways not doable.  As Empaths we cannot ignore this extra information, especially when it is attack being directed at us.  Trying to resist it in this way can be exhausting.  At the same time, it is important to realize that hanging out in this type of vibration is also exhausting, and that there will be a cost later.  This person is sending out psychic attack, and that does have an effect on our system. 

Option c is great!  It acknowledges what is going on.  The attack vibes are real.  It puts the responsibility on the attacker, and it also keeps us out of both the Victim and the Rescuer roles.  (and bully role, too!)  This identifying the problem, seeing who is responsible, and then moving out of the way of the vibration is the “aikido” of energetic protection.  At the same time, the vibration in the room is still not good for us, and we should understand that our limits with such a person are going to be lower than other non-Empaths.

The description of coming back into the body and noticing what is literally going on is what is called moving into the perceptual state of the literal (serpent in shamanic terms)  Doing so shuts off momentarily the perceptions of the hidden (jaguar) from which most Empaths live.  But it is approaching the whole issue with non-personal awareness (the perceptual state of the soul) that allows us to be in such situations without having to engage them or get caught in someone elses drama.

The last bit of observation–that the fear tends to exacerbate the psychic attack–is my client moving into the Victim mode, which invites more attack from the Bully, even though no conscious drama is going on!!!  This is the power of the drama triangle!  The best protection from these situations is to not get caught in the other person’s Drama–don’t pick up whatever role they want you to play.  And move out of the way.  Sometimes we DO need to move physically out of the way as well, but do so without a big story of Drama around it. 

With just an annual gathering of a few days, I bet my client can handle it and still enjoying the rest of the people there.  If this was a daily occurance, then something would need to change for my client’s emotional health. 

Let me know if you have more questions!! 

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Drama Triangle, Emotions, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Relationships

Support for the Empath

March 16, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Hi Everyone!

I am happy to annouce that I have been able to record the Empath Telecall for those of you who are looking for support and insight into your intuitive gifts.  Right now there are two calls available for download, and the live calls are scheduled for the 1st and 3rd Fridays of the month.  Our next call is this Friday.  Please let me know if you’d like to join us.  Right now we’ve discussed how the Empath deals with input from others, basic protections, and we’ve just begun talking about the Drama Triangle and the Empath.  If you’d like to learn more, just go to my website and click workshops.  It’s the first workshop listed.

Here’s to enjoying our Empathy and our intuitive gifts!

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Creativity, Drama Triangle, Emotional Dissociation, Emotions, Empathy, Guidance, Life Transition, Manifestation, Relationships, Soul Path/Purpose
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