Who controls your consciousness?

February 18, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Hi Everyone,

Wow!  If you are an Empath, it’s hard not to absorb the doom and gloom mentality of the group right now (or consensual reality, as shaman’s like to call it)  It is precisely at times like these that we must remember that we are the authors of our own stories.  We are in charge of creating our lives.  That is, unless we give our power over to others, without even realizing that that is what we are doing.

If you are scared and fearful right now, make sure that you aren’t tapped in to the group consciousness.  Take back your power.  You may have to turn off the news or stop reading the paper for the next few months.  Instead, look at what you are creating in your life right now, look at what you have control over right now.  This is your focus–the rest of it really doesn’t matter.

But, is there anything that needs to change in your life?  Now is the best time to make those changes.  Is there anything out of alignment with your personal essence, your soul?  Now is the time to start the transition.  It’s hard, because change always brings up fear, but moving forward now is so important.

Many of my clients and friends are going through big shifts right now that they had put off for a few years.  None of us can get way with putting off our work, including the country as a whole, apparently!  But our focus needs to be more local.

If you are in a tough spot, with a job loss, or a relationship on the brink, it is the perfect time to remember your creative manifestation skills.  It is the perfect time to take this time as an opportunity to connect back to the heart, the soul, and make those changes now.

I have been filled with fear over the past few months–I’ve been absorbing the group think and also my beliefs about the pachakuti (2012) have been triggered.  It’s been the perfect time for me to look at my own power, and what I want to create.  Looking at my life now, I’ve seen that I’ve done the work in my relationships and in my practice.  Everything is in pretty good alignment.  There’s no reason that I won’t be well supported like I always have because I’ve gotten those kinks out of the way.  Of course, there’s no guarantee of this, but life is a risky business–but this was true before the financial crisis!  Taking stock at where I am, what I want to create in my life, I see all is well, and much of the fear subsides.  That is, until I look at the paper again!

So make this a practice–Look to your own power when frightened, make sure you’re in charge of your consciousness, regroup, reconnect to your soul, and go back to living your life supported by the Great Spirit.

much love!

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Emotions, Empathy, Guidance, Manifestation, Relationships, Soul Path/Purpose

Empath Teleclass Begins Friday

February 2, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Hello Everyone!

I’m happy to annouce the first session of my teleclass for Empaths and Intuitive Introverts!  The first class is scheduled to being this Friday at noon pacific.  If you are an Empath and want advice and information about how to manage your gifts, this call is for you.  You can see more information and sign up for the class by going to:

http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathyTeleClass.htm

The format of this call will be lecture and information based on a topic from my book, The Healing Journey for the Empath, plus small group coaching if participants have questions about applying this information in their own lives. 

I hope you will join in!

Much Love,

Elaine 

Filed Under: Creativity, Emotions, Empathy, Guidance, Relationships, Soul Path/Purpose

October Newsletter Available

October 29, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Hello Everyone,

 My October newsletter is now available at http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/October2008Newsletter.htm

Enjoy!!

Elaine

Filed Under: Emotions, Empathy, Life Transition, Manifestation, Relationships

Transformation on the Blog

October 29, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Hi All,

 A few months ago, NeoInsight wrote in asking questions about his marriage to his Emotionally Dissociated wife.  If you haven’t been following the comments that followed the post, NeoInsight has not only divorced his wife, but has also left the Drama Triangle, too, which meant leaving another friendship behind as well.  You can read about his journey in the post entitled Questions about Emotional Dissociation which was updated just today.

It is an interesting thing that our difficulties in our relationships always come back to ourselves.  It’s very easy as Empaths to see the Emotionally Dissociated friend or partner as the problem, and believe me, they can be really aggravating.  But, the more interesting question is why are we in the relationship?  What are we getting out of it?  What is our part in creating the problem?  These questions take the focus to where it belongs–our own healing.  And when we heal ourselves, we change our vibration, and then everything around us changes, including our relationship that was the original focus.  Sometimes the relationship ends, but sometimes it also magically transforms.

Elaine

Filed Under: Client Success Stories, Creativity, Drama Triangle, Emotional Dissociation, Emotions, Empathy, Life Transition, Relationships

Emotional Dissociation—Exposing the Dissociated Hero

October 15, 2008 By 9 Comments

I was just asked the question of whether it should be explained to the dissociated hero the motivations that lead her to be cold and unfeeling in her relationships.  My reader had found my essay on dissociated heroes and discovered that his girlfriend could be described as one.  Especially in a break up situation, explaining what is wrong with the hero is probably a bad idea.  While it can be a relief to discover the motivations behind a person’s actions, especially when that person has hurt or aggravated us, we have to remember that people are defended for a reason.  To forcibly break down those defenses is in some ways very cruel.

Of course, most Empaths are not attempting cruelty, they are attempting to bring clarity.  Empaths, who are very attached to clarity and authenticity and so tend to listen carefully to others’ observations of them, have a tendency not to see that their efforts at explaining the faults of another when unasked are seen as an attack rather than as a help by the average person, and by the dissociated hero in particular.  If a break up has already occurred, chances are that the defended hero is not interested in learning more or becoming more self-aware.  Questions to ask before attempting to educate a former mate or best friend are, “Is this person aware of the affect her actions have on others, or does she react based upon how she believes the person should react according to his role?” “Does she normally just want to move onward and forward without looking back at the past?”   The answers to these questions will reveal how disconnected the Hero is from her inner self.  The more disonnected, the worse an explanation will be received. 

Most dissociated heroes are not interested in becoming self-aware.  That very self-awareness points them in the direction of their inner feelings of unworthiness.  If the Empath or the unwitting person decides to inform the dissociated hero of what motivates her, the Empath is likely to be attacked or even completely ignored in return.  If the Empath doesn’t mind the verbal and psychic abuse likely to head her way, konking the dissociated hero on the head with unwanted knowledge can be a sufficient release of frustration, and also has the added benefit in that the Empath can assuage any feelings of having not done enough to save the relationship.

Perhaps in some cases a revelation might be helpful.  I have found this only to be true if the other, when not under stress, has committed to a lifetime of personal growth, and understands the challenges, AND when under stress walks his/her talk.  Even those that do commit to growth can reach their limits and simply may not be able to see past their own defenses.  This applies to all of us, not just dissociated Heroes.  Growth happens in its own time, and usually it happens most gracefully with the consent and inquiry of the one undertaking the growth.  So, as long as my reader is ready to take the consequences, it may be worth it to him to attempt to educate the Hero.

I have to say, though, that when I was involved with a dissociated Hero, my attempts to educate her led to the break up of not just our friendship, but several other relationships in our group of mutual friends as well.  Not only that, but the information I gave the Hero fell on deaf ears in that years later she asked for my help in getting out the same sort of dramatic situation Heroes tend to create that I had complained of.  At the time her request for help was mindboggling, but that is how disconnected from reality dissociated Heroes can be.  People really do learn in their own time and sometimes not even with help, and not even with cold hard experience. 

Let me know if you have further questions or comments on this topic.  I know this is a hot one for Empaths, who are driven to be authentic and truthful, and fix whatever needs fixing.  Sometimes the motto to follow is to cause the least harm and let others to their own paths without our input, especially when it has been made clear that it is not wanted or valued.  Sometimes that entails simply cutting our losses and walking away, without the reconciliation and the understanding we might want, or they might want, given that we’ll suffer damage by staying in the relationship.

 

Filed Under: Boundaries, Drama Triangle, Emotional Dissociation, Emotions, Empathy, Relationships

Questions about Dealing with Emotional Dissociation

July 10, 2008 By 13 Comments

Hello  I enjoyed your article on Intuitives, Empaths, and the Dissociated person.  I am traveling through a very difficult time in my life and have literally felt like I don’t know what hit me.  I am an intuitive but just beginning my spiritual journey.  I am a scientist with an open mind and am finding so much truth in the spiritual side of life. 

I have been married for 12 years and although my wife is a great mother (we have two boys), I have discovered that I am in an abusive relationship – abusive emotionally.  I have discovered this after countless hours of research and reading and talking to many different people including a year of counseling (both with my wife and by myself).  My close family members have told me for years that things were not as I observed – I was ordered around and not loved or respected.  My wife is not a bad person, but we don’t seem to function well together, unless I am taking care of all of the emotion.  We are different creatures.  I have felt like my energy has slowly been drained over the years and now I have nothing left to give to her.

It appears that our marriage is over.  I have no desire to jump through the next higher layer of hoops to win her over.  We have both said that in our gut we know it is over.  We are separted but still sleeping in the same bed and this is the plan for a year.  I have withdrawn my emotional energy from her and I am feeling better, but at times she seems bitter.  I am preparing to move on, but finding I feel uneasy and lonely at times.

I have two questions in relation to your article.  First, myself and others that I have shown this article to do not quite understand what is meant by the intuitive processing the dissociated persons emotional energy for them.   I can understand that my energy field has been drained, but not the processing part.

The second part of my question is, is it better to stay in a dead-end relationship for kids sake or is it more important for my soul and that of my children (and even my wife’s) to move on and be true to myself and hope to find another person of similar spirit?  I know similar people to me are out there, in fact I believe I met a soul mate of mine 10 years ago – we have been close friends since.   I know there are studies, some of which say it is best to stay together (for the kids sake), but others say it is best to show the kids true happiness, which can’t be found in the current relationship.  So from a spiritual perspective, what is best for myself, my wife, and our kids?  I truly believe that my wife is dissociated and has deep emotional sadness and pain (which I can’t get to in order to help), therefore the direction that I am heading appears to match what your article recommends – step out of the way gently, which I interpret to mean that I should move on (I am not suggesting that your article is telling me to leave my wife!).

I know from my core that I must move on.  My counselor has told me this and he is helping me move in this direction – not pushing me but definately guiding me, my family has suggested this, my wife wants to.   I guess since I haven’t done this before, it does terrify me, but I also know that I am happy on my own and will always be – alone or not, my happiness comes from within. I love life, my job, my kids, and the journey that I am just starting.  I am finding strength in my soul mate, friends, family, counseling, and wonderfully insightful articles such as this. 

I guess what I am looking for someone to tell me it is okay to move on, in fact it is the right thing to do.  I definately have the strength to do this, but it is incredibly difficult at times.  I know that you do not know me, so I am looking for a broader spiritual answer and not necessarily one specific to my situation.  I am mainly concerned about my children and how this will affect them.  I had hoped and expected to be with them every day of their childhood.

Thanks for your time,

NeoInsight

Filed Under: Boundaries, Drama Triangle, Emotional Dissociation, Emotions, Empathy, Life Transition, Relationships, Soul Path/Purpose

Changing the Collective Nightmare

May 16, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Hello Everyone,

Yesterday one of my clients asked me,  ”How do I stop feeling guilty for all my blessings when most of the world is in pain and has nothing?”   While I didn’t channel the pain of the world as my client has done, I did have guilt that kept me from really enjoying and embracing my life, when I was first getting started in my personal healing.

 

After years of schooling in physics, and then teaching, I used to feel guilty that I was able to stay at home and work on my own dreams, write, and play, and do tons of self-care required to heal enough to be creative. (At the time I wanted to be a sci-fi and fantasy writer—I had no idea that I was going to be struck psychic and a practice as a shaman was coming.) From the outside, from external comparisons, I looked like a decadent weirdo.  I had friends who were resentful and jealous that I was sponging off my first husband; I didn’t have to work as hard as they did.  And I felt guilty and defensive, and yet, a really cool life that I dreamed of living was a life that included creativity, play, and not working very hard at dreary jobs.


 The reasons I felt guilty and defensive were that I also bought into the belief system that I had to work hard, that life was a life of suffering, and I wasn’t putting value on the spiritual and the creative aspects of life.  No wonder I felt guilty!


 What I had to realize was, if I truly wanted a life of joy, I had to insist upon it.  I had to use the circumstances I was born with—born into the middle class, given a great education, given a very well developed mind—as the foundation stones to make my life into the best life I could have.


 What I discovered as I did so was that Yes, there is a collective nightmare out there.  And that nightmare is horrifying.  All of us are part of the collective, so we are all susceptible to being caught up in it.  At the same time, when I focused on what my Heart and Soul craved, life for just me became much, much happier and brighter.  Because I was willing to commit to myself, I found this beautiful, universal, and intelligent creative force was matching my efforts and bringing me more and more.


 I discovered that the beliefs that we hold to be facts, and the emotions contained inside those beliefs, are what hold us prisoner in the Collective nightmare.  When I decided to wake myself up, I was stepping out of the collective nightmare.  What also began to happen is that my immediate circumstances began to change for the better.  The people with the old belief system went away to be replaced with others with expansive, life-is-good belief systems.


 I have worked with clients who have invented their own prisons just by the beliefs that they keep.  I have also worked with clients who are subject to the group think beliefs of their culture or family, and have a terrible time creating the lives that they want because the group think is so strong.  And yet, every once in a while there is someone that breaks free of the collective.  In every case that is because they were strong individuals, deeply commited to their souls and to their hearts.


 What this made me decide was that my feelings of guilt were a mistake.  Somehow I was a product of my own culture’s group think, too.  That was just part of the start-button for all human beings.  Freedom comes in learning how to cultivate that Soul Strength, that precious originality that we all have.  And when we do that, then we become these magical creatures.


 The really neat thing that happened when I got this was that I found that the people around me started picking up on the changes going on inside me.  My vibration was affecting the vibrations around me.  By my healing myself I was healing others simply by my presence.  I’d hear stories later of how I inspired them when I hadn’t intended any such thing!  It was now the reverse of where I had started from: one individual being beaten down by my local group think—I had now grown so powerful I could actually change the group think around me instead!

 
So, perhaps the way out of feeling so guilty is to say, Yes, the world is as it is.  It is full of pain, it is full of horror, it is full of unfairness, and very few people out there have purposefully created that for themselves consciously.  That is all true.  But, each of us has the power and the resources within us to gain personal freedom.


 You can gain personal freedom by acknowledging your own power.  Ultimately, if you *do* commit to your soul, that will mean that you will have to indulge yourself in the best life has to offer you, and that might feel decadent.  But it is precisely that mechanism that makes your Soul strong and allows you to change the collective nightmare into more of a collective dream of bliss.  And man, do we need that!!!!


 I think each of us has the potential to change the world by our very presence.  But to do that, you have to really commit to living a wonderful, happy life, revelling in it, engaging in it, and not denying the hard parts, too. 


 I guess I don’t feel guilt at the state of the world any longer because I know that each of us has the same internal resources to heal themselves.  And I also know that each of us must come to that healing in our own time and in our own way.  And I know that it is a mystery how that happens!  I know what I must do, and I put all my energy in following the calling of my Soul.

Feeding your soul, commiting to your Soul’s Journey is the surest and most honest way of changing the Collective Nightmare that I know of.

Elaine

Filed Under: Client Success Stories, Creativity, Destiny Retrieval, Dreams, Emotions, Empathy, Guidance, Life Transition, Manifestation, Removing Obstacles, Soul Path/Purpose

Letting the Heart Break Open

October 24, 2007 By 1 Comment

I had the honor of assisting a client through the beautiful but difficult process of letting her heart break open.  Like most of us, she had many defenses over her heart, and yet she wanted to bring a soul mate into her life.  I very clearly had seen for her that she was going to have this beautiful soul mate after she jumped off the cliff into her path as a shaman healer, and that they would travel together.  The man in the reading looked like the actor who plays Superman, so we called him Superman fondly.
            As my client settled in to clear those places in her life that were holding her back from stepping into her calling, wonderful opportunities began to manifest for her.  She brought in a job that would solve her financial problems which required a relocation.  As she was waiting to relocate, she decided to follow her heart and try new and fun things.  She met some wonderful people to whom she connected on many levels.  She knew these relationships were temporary because of the upcoming job, so she let herself enjoy herself in the moment.  And she started a very close friendship and connection with one of the men she had met.
            Because she was in the moment and she had told herself it was temporary, none of her defenses were up, and she was able to deeply connect with this man, and he with her.  Her heart was opening, and yet she was fearing the loss of having her heart break if she really let herself love him, since she knew that he wasn’t ultimately for her.  I encouraged her to let her heart break all the way open, to let herself truly see and be seen by this man, to let herself love him with no strings attached, if she respected, admired, and loved him as much as she said she did.  It did not matter if he wasn’t Superman, what mattered was her being authentic and willing to be truly intimate with him on all levels.  The truth was that she loved him, she knew that he loved her, there was nothing preventing declaring this except wanting to spare herself pain and grief when it came to an end.
            And she went for it!  She held him in a beautiful heart space and told him she loved him.  He didn’t respond immediately with his own declaration of love for her.  She was able to not take it personally that he didn’t immediately declare his love, because the open heart does not need to take everything personally and understands the soul is on journey.  Because her Heart Space was so wide open, it allowed his to open, and he declared his love for her the next day.  Then their relationship blossomed, they could see each other as life partners, and an exciting future together was very easy to plan out.   I had actually felt the shift in my client from glancing at their picture in between sessions on accident and knew she had jumped off that cliff and found her Superman.  Before she took the action and made the declaration, the energy of the picture was completely different.
           It was the Open Heart, the willingness to act from that space, and the declaration of love that changed her into Superwoman ready for Superman.
           But my client remembered that the original reading told her that he wasn’t her soul mate.  So, she was in a bind of fearing that she was giving up the destiny that she really wanted for a man that she loved who wasn’t meant for her.  She was conflicted and confused.  How could what she had with her lover not be the relationship, how could it not match up with her path as a shaman healer when everything about it now felt fantastic and right?  She still was leaving for her new job in just a few weeks, but even the long distance didn’t matter, they were both confident that it would work.
           When we next spoke she was reluctant to discuss with me her relationship because she  wanted to become clear that she was hearing her own soul before I added any more information.  It was with the great pleasure to confirm for her that Yes, this was it!!  And that she had made it possible with her huge open heart.       
           It was part of her journey to walk the painful path of opening her heart without a guarantee of success.  It had been a possibility that her lover wouldn’t have responded with his own open heart, and wouldn’t have stepped in as her soulmate.  Ironically, it was also part of her journey to feel the conflict of apparently going against what she had thought was her path versus what she knew to be her path.  Now she will know for the rest of her life that she can trust her heart, and that she can trust her soul to guide her.  She has the visceral experience of knowing what was right for her soul versus what was an old interpretation that didn’t fit the new energy she herself had brought in.  My client will Source from her Soul now instead of from anyone else, even her shaman teachers. 
           I am so excited for this couple, I was laughing and crying as she was telling me her good news.  What a joy!  This is the magic of the Open Heart.  It brings healing and expansion to relationships, it literally pulled in a joyous destiny that was unavailable without the Heart Space to activate it, and it is the only guarantee to a rich and meaningful existence.

Filed Under: Client Success Stories, Destiny Retrieval, Emotions, Guidance, Ideal Mate, Life Transition, Manifestation, Relationships, Removing Obstacles

The Healing Process and Soul Retrieval

August 14, 2007 By 2 Comments

Hi Everyone,
            It is such an honor working with my clients.  Each of them has committed to their own healing, which takes courage to go into the suppressed and repressed parts of ourselves.   As my mentor, Greta, points out, no healing can occur when emotions or thoughts are repressed.  When we consciously embark on our healing path these emotions and thoughts bubble up to the surface, which can be an incredibly painful experience.  Allowing the pain to come up and to pass is difficult precisely because we have been repressing these emotions for a reason.  Allowing this process takes courage, and it leads to lasting acceptance and forgiveness of ourselves and others.  However, it can feel like we are moving backwards instead of forward when the pain arises.
            Much of the work I do with my current clients is around holding space for them as they go through the healing process.  Soul Retrieval work brings to consciousness lost parts of ourselves that left because they couldn’t handle the conditions at the time.  That lost consciousness is returned, but sometimes it is difficult to see and to accept ourselves as we reintegrate these parts.  Recently I had a client who had done years of personal work on herself and her need to achieve.  Her drive toward achieving had made her ill, but she had used her illness to dive into her personal healing of her soul.
            She was struggling with acceptance of herself, with letting go the impossible standard she still felt she must live up to.  The failure to meet these standards led to self hatred.  During a soul retrieval, her soul part was willing to come back if my client could let go of her self-hatred and accept the parts that she felt were not up to standard.  Until then, it couldn’t help but leave again in order to keep itself protected.  The fact that the soul part wasn’t ready to come back was a blow for my client; here was someone else who didn’t think she was good enough even after all the work she had done.  If my client could see instead that she was on the right track, that there was no one external in her way any longer, only her own self concept, then she could begin to shift that on a deeper level.
            But, healing is a messy process.  It sometimes gets worse before it gets better.  And then at other times miraculous healings take place so deeply that the client doesn’t remember what had been bothering them in the first place.  I have had clients tell me that they didn’t feel a particular soul retrieval was very profound, but from my perspective and their friends’ perspectives, we noticed a huge shift in behavior.  This is one reason I tell clients that there are no guarantees with Soul Retrieval work—it is just too mysterious to be able to predict how a session will go.

Filed Under: Emotions, Empathy, Energy Healing, Life Transition, Soul Path/Purpose, Soul Retrieval

Control and the First Chakra

June 27, 2007 By Leave a Comment

Hi Everyone,

I had a client recently who wanted to do some soul retrieval work on her need to control.  She thought that being controlling was in direct conflict with letting more Spirit in, and that this was the reason why her intuitive hits felt off to her, and why her journeying wasn’t as spectacular as it had been.

 
While surrendering control and going with the flow are required practices for most intuitives, for some reason I didn’t believe my client was that controlling.  To me she seemed quite gifted in following guidance, trusting Spirit and leaping, and had even just recently changed her life at Spirit’s direction.  Instead, I suspected that this feeling of needing to be in control was because she was feeling insecure and unsafe, and was still a bit ungrounded from that change.

 
When we took a closer look, that turned out to be the case.  Four months before she had completely changed her life by moving from the big city to the country to live with her boyfriend.  She hadn’t yet completely claimed her new home, and she and her boyfriend were still getting used to living with each other.

 
Our need to control isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  It can serve very good purposes, just as fear does.  Fear can motivate us to take care of things we might overlook, and it helps us avoid dangerous situations.  Control helps us organize our lives, and can keep all those details of being in the physical world from overwhelming us.  Problems do arrise when we let these first chakra energies get out of proportion.  But, if I have a client that has already done a lot of personal work on these issues, I suggest that perhaps their current need to control is an indication that their first chakra needs some attention. 

I had this experience myself when I left one way of life for another.  I had invited in more Spirit, and was horrified when my life fell apart.  however, it was only temporary.  Really, my first chakra was being reassmebled and strengthen to handle the new energy coming my way.  If you’d like to read more about my experience, I have written about the first chakra and growing your foundation on my website.  You can read this essay at

www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/FoundationChakraSystem.htm

I am confident that when my client is feeling at home, and safe and secure, this will be a good indication that she has strengthened her first chakra.  With that bigger foundation in place, her gifts will easily come through again, and that feeling of needing to control will pass.

 Elaine

Filed Under: Emotions, Guidance, Life Transition, Manifestation
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