The Empath and Self Sabotage

July 2, 2012 By 2 Comments

The past couple of weeks I have been working on an ebook just for the Empath and what it is like for the Empath to go on a conscious healing journey.  Most of you are subscribed to my blog because you are that Empath, or you love that Empath. One trouble spot the Empath commonly encounters is self-sabotage. We have a hidden belief that we should not succeed—that our success causes others suffering, or that we will be punished if we succeed. At the same time, we have so many projects and dreams that we desperately long to pursue and manifest. We can become stuck in a double bind of longing to pursue our creative endeavors but being sure that we will fail somehow.

Where does this belief come from? As I discussed in my ebook, Empath as Archetype, many Empaths were raised by Fans (Type Six on the Enneagram.) If we were raised by an unhealthy Fan, we had to make sense of crazy-making behavior, which in turn heightened our senses, helping us to become Empathic and intuitive. However, because unhealthy Fans are motivated to distract themselves from their fears, Fans tend to act in ways that do not make sense. Fans, in an attempt to avoid consciously knowing their fear and anxiety, come up with rationalizations for their crazy-making behavior that feels off to the Empath. As a consequence, the Empath tries to make sense of the situation and creates a faulty belief.

I have been working with a client who was raised by a Fan who suffered from OCD. Her mother had to be in control so that she wouldn’t come into contact with overwhelming fear and anxiety. Whenever my client during childhood wanted to do something that her mother did not want her to do because it would make her feel anxious, her mother made sure that my client would fail in the attempt. Then her mother would blame my client for the failure, with the unconscious motivation to ensure that her daughter would not trigger her anxiety again.

As an example, when my client was twelve years old she, like many kids, wanted to make a batch of cookies all by herself. Her mother hated to have any one in the kitchen but herself. Having anyone else there making a mess, opening the refrigerator, dirtying the oven, caused her terrible anxiety. However, her mother, who knew full well that it was normal for a twelve year old to want to bake in the kitchen, could not give her daughter a real reason for saying no. (Of course, her mother could have said, “No, honey, your baking in the kitchen makes me too anxious. I know that is unreasonable, I’ll get some help as soon as I can with my fears,” but most unhealthy Fans cannot admit to being fearful. So, my client was allowed to make cookies. But in the background her mother made sure to sabotage her daughter’s cookies so the batch turned out so badly that she would never want to make another attempt.

The belief my client took away from this was, “I should have never wanted to bake cookies. I should have never had insisted. It’s because I wanted to do this so badly that it came out badly. This is my fault. Because I wanted this and made it happen, it came out all wrong.” Now, did her mother intend for her to pick up this belief system? Of course not. She just didn’t want her daughter in her kitchen. But, like most Fans, she couldn’t directly tell my client so.

Because her mother couldn’t be direct, her daughter made up a faulty belief to make sense of the situation. There is nothing unusual about kids wanting to make cookies. But her mother sabotaged her daughter’s cookie dough because her own need to ameliorate her anxiety motivated her more than her need to support and encourage her daughter’s independence. My client took away from that experience that not only was she a bad cook, but that she shouldn’t do what she longed to do. What my client should have taken away from it was that her mother was anxious and angry about letting her make the cookies. My client did not notice the sabotage—what child can fathom that their parent is setting them up for failure?

This is the terrible curse of having an unhealed wound—we have to attend to our wound and the twisted need that it creates in us at the expense of other people, even our children. This is why we must work hard and attend these unhealed patterns in ourselves so we don’t continue to hurt ourselves and others. But here is what my client took away from this interaction, which was reinforced by many interactions over childhood. She internalized the saboteur.

It is very common, in fact, it is the goal of parenting, for our children to internalize parts of us, so that those parts keep our children civilized and also inspire them to pursue their gifts. However, so many of us internalize not just the gifts, but the wounds. My client who wants to write novels, paint watercolor, learn how to hike through the backcountry, has this awful sabotuer always at the ready to smash whatever dream she longs for. If she gets on a roll, then she can be sure that she will create something to trip herself up. She no longer needs her mother to do it—she learned the lesson so well that she does it to herself. The more her Heart thinks it is fun, thinks it is expansive, thinks it’s a little risky, the harder the sabotage, the more she drags her feet, the more she blames herself for wanting to make that break out of what is really her mother’s rut into her own expansion.

It is to my client’s credit that she broke out anyway. During her teenagehood she had to be angry, demanding, and forceful to have the energy to overcome her mother’s fear and objections. It would be easy to continue to be angry at her mother, to blame her mother for her emotionally crippled state. However, it is important to realize that Fans become Fans because they feel so unsafe in the world. Her mother had good reason to feel unsafe—she was brought up in a family that didn’t have enough after war time, her natural mother died early, and she was raised in a family with several other children. Her mother, being a human being, was bound to come out wounded from those experiences.

This is simply an example of my client’s mother’s wounds passing to my client and setting up her own self-sabotage pattern. For my client to heal from this wound, it’s good to have the consciousness around where it came from, but more importantly it’s good to dismantle the belief system, get the soul retrieval done to bring back that part of her that wants to embrace life and have some crazy, out of the way, kind of fun; the soul retrieval returns the unwounded soul part that has never been sabotaged by her mother.

If you have a strong saboteur within you, and you are an Empath, take a look and see if your mother sounds like my client’s mother. The sabotage may not be as extreme as in this case, it may be more subtle and harder to pin point. Chances are that if you have a Fan as a mother, then you have a very strong saboteur. Realize that that voice inside of you comes from a weak and scared person who is not you! Realize that life doesn’t have to be boxed in like it has been—you can change this belief system and emerge ready to pursue your dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Client Success Stories, Creativity, Emotions, Empathy, Energy Healing, Manifestation, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Removing Obstacles, Soul Path/Purpose, Soul Retrieval

The Empath and Dealing with an Emotionally Dissociated Hero in Recovery

May 27, 2012 By 8 Comments

Hi Everyone,

I had a question today from an Empath who is married to an Emotionally Dissociated Hero.  They have both been hard at work dealing with old wounds and traumas that have led her to have poor boundaries in the past and have led him to dissociate and push away his feelings.  However, as the Hero becomes in touch with his old repressed feelings, all that old emotional energy has bubbled up, as is very common when we work through old trauma.  The Empath has had a hard time dealing with her husband’s vibration, even though they are both conscious of what is happening.  Not only is she picking up on his emotional state, it is also making her physically ill.  Her question is around how to deal effectively as a partner with his healing without becoming sick herself.  The key here is to use tools on the Mythic and Energetic Planes to move the healing along instead of work just at the mental-emotional (Symbolic Plane) so that neither one become sick at the Literal plane (physical body) Please follow the comments if you are interested.

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Emotional Dissociation, Emotions, Empathy, Energy Healing, Life Transition, Relationships, Soul Retrieval

Fan-Hero Family System Ebook Now Available

April 30, 2012 By 2 Comments

Hello Everyone!

I’ve just posted a new ebook on my website in the shop called The Empath and the Hero-Fan Family System.  I first published these essays in 2009.  These essays have been revised and expanded.  If you are an Empath and you’ve found yourself caught in confusing relationship patterns where everything seems normal, healthy and happy on the outside but on the inside you feel crazy, sick, tired, and confused, you may be dealing with unhealthy Heroes or unhealthy Fans.  These essays cover what this type of family system looks like, how Emotionally Dissociated Hero behavior is reinforced by Fans. 

Also included is a description of Secret Drama, a painful relationship dynamic between an Empath and a Hero  in which the Empath keeps secrets for the Hero but then the Hero makes the Empath into a scapegoat for the entire Family so the Family can keep its illusion of health and happiness.  Many people find my website because they have this painful relationship with a Hero.  I map out why this relationship unfolds the way it does and how the Empath can extract herself and then heal using shamanic work.

I hope you find this new ebook helpful!

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Drama Triangle, Emotional Dissociation, Emotions, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Energy Healing, Forgiveness, Generational Imprints, Life Transition, Manifestation, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Removing Obstacles, Soul Retrieval

Overcoming Our Ingrained Patterns

April 24, 2012 By 1 Comment

These past few weeks I’ve had several women email me about problems they have been having with other women.  These cases were interesting because they each involved a generational imprint that was passed from mother to daughter.  While the imprint causes problems and misunderstandings in the mother-daughter relationship, it also leads to those problems being projected onto other relationships with women. 

When I work with my clients long term, I have my clients get to know their imprints or patterns intimately.  The reason for this is so that they can gain enough consciousness to change at least one little action in the pattern the next time it arises.  Each change little by little leads to a dismantling of the pattern.  Catching ourselves before we can take the actions that lead to the unhappy outcome becomes a practice.  It’s a difficult, confusing practice because our intuition and our instincts are inaccurate when it comes to navigating the pattern—otherwise we would have mastered it long ago and we wouldn’t need to consult a shaman.  Deliberately questioning our instincts when we’ve worked especially hard to accept our intuitive side can be highly confusing.

This is why each of us must get to know our patterns and how we tend to project those onto our relationships.  The place to start when we notice a pattern (an outcome that has repeated three times) is to ask ourselves when we first experienced the pattern or felt the feelings in the pattern.  Usually it stems from early wounds in childhood—many times because of a misunderstanding or a trauma inflicted by one of our parents, intentionally or not.  Many times these traumas are handed down generation after generation, so that energetically, emotionally, and mentally they carry the extra force of our lineage.

In one case this week, one woman had worked hard on a mother issue that manifested as her giving her power away to other women she thought of as peers.  Somehow the relationship would turn from one of peers to one with her in the one-down position as either lowly apprentice or mentee.  The outcome of this pattern was that she rejected the woman who put her in the one down position while feeling betrayed and embarrassed.  To prevent this pattern from manifesting the same outcome of suffering and a broken relationship, we had to look at where it came from.

This client had a withholding, selfish mother.  As a consequence my client consciously and unconsciously sought approval but was usually shot down by her mother.  Without knowing it my client put these other woman peers in the mother-position.  Usually what would happen is that she would ask for advice in an area especially dear to her heart, expecting to be treated as a peer.  But the advice hardly even felt like it came from a peer.  Somehow the other woman wound up in a more powerful position than my client and abused that power.  Part of this is vibrational, (after all, she unconsciously came to these relationships as a supplicant for her mother’s approval), but we also looked at how my client asked for and received the advice.

She had to assume that she was going to set the situation up unconsciously to unfold so that the other woman would belittle her.  While an important and essential part of healing this pattern was to work directly with her own relationship with her mother with soul retrieval and underworld work, my client had to carefully look at how she operated within peer relationships with other women at the literal level as well.  With these deeply ingrained patterns, ones that we’ve been living out for several decades, we have a sort of body-memory that we must overcome.  We must also look at what we do, think, and feel as the pattern unfolds.

My client had to assume that when she felt betrayed, annoyed and confused the pattern was in play and that she wasn’t seeing the other woman clearly.  Walking away from the relationship was the last step in the pattern.  Did she really want that outcome this time or could it be avoided?  Much of the time the pattern came about because she was asking for advice as a peer, but the advice came back with her in the one down position.  She had to look at how she was asking for advice.  What language did she use?  Was her subtext one of supplicant asking for a favor?  Was she inviting a shift from peer to mentee?  Changing her language so that she remained in a strong peer position also helped.

One aspect of the mother-daughter relationship that my client didn’t see without outside help from her shaman was that her mother had her own insecurities that she projected onto her daughter.  Because these patterns have a strong energetic component, my client’s pattern meant that unconsciously my client would pick a peer that was likely to project her insecurities onto my client and then put my client down, just like her mother did.  To be on the receiving end of this would be no fun for anyone, so it wasn’t a big surprise that my client ultimately walked away from these relationships.  However, before she walked away she spent considerable time wondering if she were imagining the abuse of power when everything had begun so nicely.

However, walking away without consciousness around the pattern only set up the next iteration to manifest in the same way.  Unconsciously my client was looking for perfect advice from a perfect mother-substitute, but was doomed to disappointment because no one can give perfect advice and no one can be a perfect mother.  The rejection of her mother took place through other women but wasn’t a resolution because the original wounds and unconscious beliefs weren’t healed.  Doing the soul retrieval and underworld work helped to heal those wounds and beliefs, but now she had to work on taking different actions when the pattern unwound itself again.

The same feelings and thoughts arose when the pattern came up again, but the difference that next time was that my client could say to herself, “This is the pattern.  I’m in a peer relationship with a woman that I really like.  At some point I’m going to set this up so that she’ll project her insecurities on to me, and then I’ll have reason to reject her.  I’m going to be aware for each of these stages.”  As my client practices she catches herself at the last stage and can avoid rejecting the friend but sets better boundaries about asking for advice. 

In the following iteration she catches herself feeling those feelings of betrayal but notices in time that in a peer relationship she can take advice or leave advice, but she shouldn’t shoot the messenger and so manages to not act on those hurt feelings.  In a later iteration she might catch herself asking for advice but then notice that she herself has set herself up as a mentee instead of a peer.  In a later iteration she might notice that she’s picking insecure women to be peers with even though they might be highly qualified in their fields.  She might then choose not to get too close to them or she might not be completely taken by surprise when those women project those fears and insecurities outward.  Each iteration of the pattern is an opportunity to master the pattern until finally it is broken and my client has taken her power back.  She’s also managed to grow up a part of herself that still needed approval from her mother.

Sometimes we have experiences with soul retrieval and underworld work that are so spectacular that the energywork session clears everything up on the emotional, mental, and literal levels.  I love those.  But, with an unhappy pattern that’s become well ingrained by taking action again and again in the literal world, it usually takes several practice attempts at the pattern to fully unwind it.  Staying conscious, giving ourselves a break for having to practice at it, and making those small changes again and again means that we heal our lives and give ourselves freedom.

Next blog post, an example of a mother-daughter imprint shifting to the next generation and how to prevent that outcome. 

Filed Under: Boundaries, Client Success Stories, Emotions, Energy Healing, Generational Imprints, Manifestation, Relationships, Removing Obstacles, Soul Retrieval

The Dangers of the Pedestal

March 14, 2012 By 2 Comments

Hi Everyone!

This week I’ve had two people ask me questions about relationship issues that all stemmed from a pattern of behavior that I like to call Putting Others on a Pedestal.  In one case one person was put on the pedestal and viciously knocked off, in the other case, a person who had an old pattern of putting women on a pedestal needed a little clarity around what was her part in the relationship blip, and what was her friend’s part.  These questions, and another around how to end a relationship that’s mired in Drama with as little drama as possible led me today to post an ebook for sale on in my shop called The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal. 

In this ebook I talk about how important doing our Shadow Work is so that we don’t project our old wounds onto the people around us.  I also talk about the most common wound, the Mother Wound, and how that wound, when severe, can lead to this painful Pedestal Pattern in which we fall in love with a guru, partner, or best friend, then become terribly disillusioned and attack the person for failing us.  Once we heal our wounds and step into full maturity and power ironically we become easy targets for others to put US on pedestals.  I cover an example of how a non Empath can do this, and how confusing and crazy-making this behavior is for the unwitting Empath.  I hope this ebook will be helpful to you!  Here’s a brief introduction:

As Empaths we can easily fall into the role of Rescuer because we tend to be good listeners, we tend to be supportive and accepting, and in general we hold a safe emotional space for others because we are so in touch with our emotional bodies.  We tend to be healers and confidantes for our friends and family without realizing that is the role we are cast in.   However, a warning sign that a relationship is headed for Drama is when one of us in the relationship is putting the other on a pedestal.

When this happens to me with a client, I am sure to point out to them their own power and magnificence.  I also ask if they realize that they are putting me on a pedestal.  With the clients who can see that, we have a basis of continuing to work together because they are conscious of their positive shadow projected onto me.  If they aren’t able to see how they are projecting, I will usually refer these clients to colleagues with a strong background in counseling rather than coaching.   

The reason for this is that the projection of positive shadow (the person on the pedestal is soooo wonderful) can turn very quickly into a projection of negative shadow when the person is revealed to have limits.  Usually the fall from the pedestal is pretty spectacular.   If we have been buying into that positive projection the switch to the negative projection can be very painful and confusing. 

The clue for choosing a new client relationship became, how much was this client expecting from me?  How good were this client’s boundaries?  How much did this client like me and express that feeling given our professional relationship?  Had this client done any work already to choose self-responsibilty over Victimhood at all times?  These are good questions for all Empaths working on their own boundaries to ask themselves before they enter into a relationship. 

 If a potential friend or client expresses lots of flattery, gives gifts, or tells me they want to be friends after our work together in the first session or two, this is a strong indication that this person has a severe Mother Wound and will need lots of counseling in addition to Soul Retrieval and Underworld Work.

Most of us do put others on a pedestal.  Really, it is the degree to which we do it that determines if it is normal or unhealthy.  Most clients I work with do love and appreciate the work that I do.  That is fine.  And it is fine to enjoy the positive projection, but I have learned to not take it personally.  Because, sure enough, the negative projection will soon follow, and that can’t be taken personally, either.

However, for unhealthy people who have not taken full responsibility for themselves, moving into Bully position after they have knocked the person off the pedestal feels fully justified.  For the person that has just fallen off the pedestal, she is in for a stream of psychic attack at the least and violence at the worst.  It can be very scary and confusing to be in that position.  The only healthy way out of it is to ride out the storm at that point, take care of the self, but not engage any of the archetypal positions on the triangle.

In my new ebook, The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal I cover the basic pattern of Empaths putting others on a Pedestal.  I also describe what it is like for another Enneagram Archetype, the Black and White Thinker to put an Empath on a pedestal, and how dangerous that can be for the Empath.  I hope you will find this ebook helpful and useful in deciphering your own relationships.

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Drama Triangle, Emotions, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Energy Healing, Manifestation, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Soul Retrieval

The Power of Story and Projection

September 30, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Hi Everyone,

 Fall has finally arrived here in Portland bringing with it an end to 80 degree days and sunshine.  I so love this change in season!  In the past several weeks I’ve noticed two topics come up with my clients repeatedly–identification with a Story, and Projection of the conclusions of that Story out onto others.  So, I thought I would discuss this more in the Empath Telecall; the next one is this Friday at noon pacific time.  These two topics of so important because we create our lives through our Stories and our Beliefs, and we have so much external reinforcement of our Stories and Beliefs that they begin to feel like facts rather than something that we have control over and can personally change.

From the shaman’s perspective, once we get to know our Story, we can change it and use a different, more empowering story, which manifests our lives in a better way for us.  Some of these disempowering stories become so embedded in our system that we need help digging out those stories and their beliefs.  But once we understand our stories and our patterned way of thinking about ourselves, we gain more control of our lives.  Empaths in general have a typical group of stories that we like to tell ourselves.  We tend to have great imaginations and live in fantasy and romatic story, we tend to need rescuing (which leads to problems with personal responsibility), or we tend to waste time rescuing others (the flip side of the Drama Triangle), we tend to be perfectionists which leads us to be painfully self-conscious, and we tend to have tragic stories that lead us to concentrate on the past sorrowfully instead of move forward into our creativity.  As we become healthy, we can change these stories around and gain strength and wisdom from them instead.

Most of us have experienced traumas or unhappy experiences in our past that stuck with us for so long, that they repeat themselves in our current life.  We tend to interpret our current experience through these past experiences, and draw similar conclusions.  In psychology, this is called projection.  From the shaman perspective, however, projection is also a energetic and vibrational experience as well, meaning that we will in the literal plane draw to us the players that we need to play out the roles in our particular story and make it very easy to project.  If we have a pattern that plays out repeatedly, the shaman can help dismantle it, and teach the client how to recognize the pattern and the typical projection that comes with it.  This is hard hard personal work because when each of us project unconsciously, it seems like the world is the way it is, rather than it originating from us–it is a blind spot for us, although it might be quite obvious what the blindspot is for others looking in!  But from the shaman perspective, each of us is the source of our reality, and each of us is responsible for everything that we create. 

This is both frightening and empowering, because it means that by changing our internal world, we can change our literal external world for the better.  All we need to do is start with ourselves and our own innerworld.  This is good news for the Empath who loves looking at the innerworld, but it is also a challenge.  Some of our most powerful patterns come from our family system.  We take on our role in the family and the belief system, and if we do not become conscious, that belief system can so run our lives that we do not have much choice in how our lives unfold.  However, breaking out of a family belief system can be incredibly painful and confusing, depending on how unhealthy the belief system was for us, and how ingrained our family members will still be in holding it together.  The pull from these types of patterns can literally feel like they have a life force all their own.

If you’d like to learn more, or share your personal experiences with these topics, please feel free to join me on Friday, or write to me here on my blog.  Here’s to doing the personal work in order to live a happy and free life!

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Creativity, Drama Triangle, Empathy, Energy Healing, Manifestation, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Soul Retrieval

Family System Reinforcement Essays

September 4, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Hello Everyone!

 I hope you enjoy the labor day weekend.  Here in Portland we’re planning on enjoying a bbq on Sunday despite the rain in the forecast.  I just love autumn!

 This week I’ve published several new essays on my website around Family System Reinforcement.  These essays follow one Empath through a Family System and show her path in healing from the typical Empath wounds of rejection and abandonment so she can form her own happy marriage and family.  If you are an Empath, these essays are for you.  If you are an emotionally dissociated Hero these essays may also be helpful in seeing how the Archetypes of Empath and Hero interact.

www.elainelajoie.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htm

The new essays are toward the bottom of the page under the heading, Family System Reinforcement.

Enjoy, and have a wonderful holiday weekend!

much love,

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Client Success Stories, Drama Triangle, Emotional Dissociation, Emotions, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Forgiveness, Generational Imprints, Life Transition, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Soul Path/Purpose, Soul Retrieval

The Empath and Archetype

August 17, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Hi Everyone,

I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful summer!  In Portland we’re starting another thankfully short heatwave after a few weeks of cool days in the 70′s.  I had an interesting synchronistic experience last week that I wanted to share with you.  As most of you know, when synchronicity is in action, Spirit is in action–we’ve stepped out of linear time and into circular time.  It’s a cool and magical experience.  I had this plus the veil between waking time and dream time lift briefly to give me a glimpse into my own healing process.  What magic, but whoa!

As all of you know I’ve been working on a series of essays to collect into a book for the past two years based on the healing journey of most Empaths.  What I’ve concluded from working with clients and from my own personal healing work is that Archetypal forces shape our lives more than we might think.  Our lives feel very personal to us (especially if we have the Archetype of Empath) but in the larger picture, we are living out similar archetypal patterns.  So, my book and my Empath Telecall have been centered around these archetypal forces so we can understand what is happening to us and step out of archetypal forces, or at least use the best parts of the archetype for our benefit.

For the past three calls I have been pulling lessons out of my own personal story to illustrate the collective force of the Family, and how that force can be so strong we may not break free of it to lead the lives that we might choose for ourselves.  I had been afraid that I might step too strongly into my own personal story when it came to describing the archetype of the Fan, because in my past people with the Fan archetype have irritated and disappointed me greatly.  (The Fan is the archetype that is most concerned about the group and maintaining the group or family, even at the expense of the individuals involved.)

The night before I held my telecall I had a dream in which tornados were taking out the buildings of my college campus.  I had looked behind me, and two tornados were tearing a building apart.  As I turned my head to the right, three more tornados were taking out another building.  Now I was terrified and afraid that I was going to be caught in the twisters and killed.  I started to run.  But, when I looked ahead of me, two more tornados were destroying yet another building.  In that moment I understood that I was not going to survive this, and my fear went away.  It was OK to let myself die.

I woke up feeling well rested, oddly enough, given the dream!  Usually I do not know until the last minute who will be on these telecalls.  As it turned out in this call all the participants had Fan mothers (including me.)  The lecture that I had prepared was pertinent personally to each of them, and it made such a difference as to how they were viewing their relationships with their Fan mothers.  In fact, the call helped me understand my own mother, and the Fans in my husband’s family better as well.  Spirit brought the right participants, and my worries about becoming too personal were unfounded; after all, I was talking about the collective’s archetypal patterns.

The next day my husband and I were at the park with our toddler son.  We were talking about the insights I had come to from giving my telecall, and how we could let the anger and guilt we still had at leaving his family system die.  While we were happy that we had escaped the powerful group think so we could have the lives that we really wanted, there were still parts of us that cycled between guilt and anger at having done so.  Of course, the remaining guilt and the anger are residues of the strength of influence the family group think had over us.

As we talked about this, on my right, just out of my arms reach, a dust devil stirred up.  It swirled into a mini twister about a dozen feet tall, threw up bark chips in my hair, my husband’s hair, then moved past me to my son and threw chips into his hair, then it chased a toddler across the park before dissipating.  We started laughing at this, given my dream of two days before.  We were getting cleaned out to the very roots, and not only had I seen it in dream time, I had seen it in waking time, too.  Progress in our healing made, with comfirmation from Spirit!

I love working with Spirit!  Healing work is usually a mixture of hard work and joy at the freedom coming our way when we really step in to the path of power.  But for me, those meetings of Spirit making the huge signs are the most rewarding.  I hope this story helps you step in and claim those places where you are still giving your personal power away instead of using it for your own creativity and joy.

much love,

Elaine

 

Filed Under: Boundaries, Creativity, Destiny Retrieval, Drama Triangle, Dreams, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Energy Healing, Generational Imprints, Guidance, Life Transition, Manifestation, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Removing Obstacles, Soul Path/Purpose, synchronicity, Vibes and Hits

Shamanic Work and Family System Reinforcement

June 26, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Hello Everyone,

I just recently returned from working with Marv and Shanon Harwood of Kimmapii Energies up in Alberta, Canada.  This was a great opportunity for me to revisit the South work of Shedding what no longer Serves, plus I had the chance to see Marv again.  While I am recovering from my experiences of the Spring, I highly recommend Marv if you need energywork done.  He certainly did some amazing work on me while I was there!  His website is http://www.kimmapii.com/

Also, I just finished recording the Eighth Empath Telecall.  In this call we talked about how our Family System keeps us stuck in old patterns and behaviors that might not be in our best interest, and how painful it can be when we stop colluding with our family of origin.  The next call we’ll talk more about how shamanic work can undo family belief systems that began generations ago that still keep us bound in the present.  In both calls I use my personal experiences and experiences with clients.  If you are interested in listening, go to http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathTeleclassPurchase.htm

Filed Under: Boundaries, Destiny Retrieval, Drama Triangle, Emotional Dissociation, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Energy Healing, Guidance, Guides, Angels, Spirit Helpers, Life Transition, Myth and Archetype, Relationships, Soul Retrieval, synchronicity, Vibes and Hits

Soul Retrieval, Fluid Extractions, and Empathy

September 23, 2008 By Leave a Comment

I recently received over email the question, “Could parts of a soul switch bodies?  I gave my strength to this girl I care about so she would be OK, and over time I haven’t been the same person since.  Sometimes I have had psychic readings done and they have read what she went through and had done as if it had happened to me.  Would sould retrieval help me?” 

Without tracking this person, it’s hard to say exactly what has happened.  However, if I were to take my best guess, I’d say that this person is probably very Empathic and took on much of this girl’s energy.  That is why psychic readers read him as if he were her—her energy has literally overtaken his system.  While Soul Retrieval is probably a good idea (or at least a journey to the underworld to see what the contract is between these two people) what is most likely called for is a Fluid Extraction, in which the foreign energy is removed.  Then, depending on whether the relationship is still ongoing, a cord cutting and bands of protection are also good ideas, plus some basic training in keeping energetic boundaries intact.

 Many times we can take on the energy of our loved ones—they can appear as thought forms that can begin running our system and gain strength if we give it enough of our attention.   This can be highly confusing.  Rarely, a loved one may die and have trouble crossing over.  That loved one can become attached instead, and the person the loved one is attached to can suddenly develop physical symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors of the deceased.  A Fluid Extraction is also very helpful here, too, along with death rites to help the loved one cross over properly.

let me know if you have further questions!

Elaine

Filed Under: Boundaries, Empathy, Energy Healing, Soul Retrieval
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